Honesty

I woke up this morning feeling something I don't like. It's gnawing at me as I write this. I woke up feeling just a small amount of compassion for the man who hurt us; the man who brutally and unapologetically abused my girls. I don't want to feel this. He by no means deserves it. I want to hate him.

But more than that, I want to please Jesus.

I am trusting Him with this process. I know He knows where he is taking us and it's bigger than all of this pain and it's bigger than all of this trauma. He is taking us to a place of healing and restoration.

I won't lie, it hurts. It's the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.

But I trust God.

None of what happened will define any of us. None of it will be wasted.
This is just the beginning for us. Our greater days are ahead (Haggai 2:9). 

My heart's desire is that lives will be changed because of the story we tell and to one day say it was all worth it.

He Restores

I was cleaning my house this morning  and it hit me...I have a home. I know this won't seem exciting to most people, but to me, it's huge. For years we moved from rental to rental and were homeless many times. We never had a place to really call "home". Our bills were never paid, we never had decent clothes to wear, we got our food from the local food pantry. My kids were never really safe.

But God made a promise to me.

He said he he would restore the years the locusts had eaten. He said I would have plenty to eat. He said never again would I be shamed (Joel 2:25-27).

The Lord kept His promise to me.

As I sit here in tears, so thankful for what He has done, I know that  this is just the beginning. If He can do this for me, He can do it for you. Don't doubt that for one second. He can take ANY life and make it new. I am proof of that. When you can't trust anyone else, trust God. He is SO real and He is SO faithful.

Just believe.

Ordinary but Extraordinary

When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.  Acts 4:13

I don't have a college degree. I've been a mother since I was 18 and that has been my job.  I've often beaten myself up because I never thought I was qualified to do anything but take care of my kids,  but that's not true.

I don't have to be eloquent or full of human wisdom to proclaim to you the testimony of God (1 Corinthians 2:1).  He has done, and continues to do, some pretty miraculous things in my life.  All I have to do is be transparent. 

People are starving for the authentic. They want to see the real thing; real people. They don't care about your education. They care about your life...what you have experienced...what you have conquered.

The time of fraudulent perfection  is over. Everyone is sick of it. I'm sick of trying to be that. God has given the world an extraordinary gift and that gift is you and it's me. That gift contains the battles we have won (2 Chronicles 20:15) and the trials we have overcome. It's the fears and the failures that Jesus has turned into triumph.

So what, you're ordinary? So what, you're unschooled or weak? People will be anstonished because you have been with Jesus (Acts 4:13).

The world is listening.  Speak up.

Just Because He Never Hit You...

You exalted me above my foes; from a violent man you rescued me.  Psalm 18:48

Just because he has never hit you, doesn't mean it's not abuse.  My husband never hit me. He threw things at me occasionally, but he never put his hands on me.  I was still abused. 

He kept me isolated from my family and friends. I wasn't allowed to have a driver's license or use the phone whenever I wanted. I couldn't work, but when I did, he kept the money.  I was belittled and made to feel like I was always the one in the wrong.  I was called names.  My children and I were made to live with no heat, no electricity, and sometimes no running water.  He told me that nobody else would ever want someone like me.  He told me once that he would kill me and then kill himself.  I believe he would have.  And the lies....the many lies he told.

I'm writing this to let you know that you can make it.  I know the lies you believe, because I believed them too. You don't think you can do it, but you can.  You are worth more than the words he says.  There are people who love you and will help you.  Most importantly, there is Jesus.

I never thought I would be free, but I am. I never thought I would have enough strength, but I did.  I never thought  anyone would love me, but He does.

And you are loved, too.

If possible, find someone you trust to talk to.  If there isn't anyone, talk to me.  God has plans for you. He has an abundant life waiting for you. He has an amazing future with your name on it.  Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4), just like He has done for me.
 

Jesus Is Enough

It's hard for me to be vulnerable...at least in front of people. Most of the time I'm strong and hopeful;  I know that everything will turn out okay. Today is not that day. Today I'm not okay.

My heart hurts. My mind is racing and guilt is consuming me. I'm sitting here this morning, trying to read my Bible, but I can't even open it.

All I can whisper is, "Jesus".

But that's enough.  His name is enough.

His name is above all names (Philippians 2:9). 

Jesus can handle all that I am feeling. While I am overwhelmed with emotion and too weak from the weight,  He is there. When I am weary and burdened, He will give me rest (Matthew 11:28). When there is so much darkness surrounding me, He is the light (1 John 1:5).

Jesus is enough.

He takes my worry and guilt and He gives me peace (2 Thessalonians 3:16) and joy (Romans 15:13). He has given me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).  It doesn't matter how much pain I'm feeling in this temporary life, I'm going to fight the good fight, I will finish the race, and I will keep the faith (2 Timothy 4:7).

He is enough.

Head Full of Doubt

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said. "why did you doubt?" Matthew 14:31

There are always whispers in my ear that convince me to doubt, even though I know what God's Word says. Sometimes I think there is no way out of the mess I am in.  I will worry and complain and become depressed and anxious. My problems seem too big for God.

Jesus said that if we have faith in God and do not doubt, we can move mountains (Mark 11:22-25)!  How can we have that kind of faith?

When I start to feel doubt creep in, I start dwelling on what God has already done for me (Ecclesiastes 7:13).  Our lives are full of miracles if we would just look for them.

God miraculously saved me from an abusive marriage. He put people in my life at just the right time to help me escape from a life of hell. He has provided for me when there was literally nothing there (Philippians 4:19). He has healed me and delivered me from the lies I believed for so long. He has provided a godly therapist and people who are working to bring justice to my children. What the Lord has done for me is too much to write.  

That leaves no room for doubt.

Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me (Isaiah 46:9 NLT).

Finding Satisfaction

Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:13-14

I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.  Psalm 63:4-5

You give and you give, while they keep taking and taking. You're empty; you're longing for affection. You search, but nothing satisfies.

Your soul craves more than the ordinary; your heart begs to be loved. You are lost and just want to be found.

The Lord says that if we delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4).  The answer to all of our longing is Jesus. He will always guide us and satisfy us (Isaiah  58:11).

We were created to love God.  It says in Psalm 84:2 that our soul yearns and our heart and flesh cry out for the living God. Nothing of this world will truly fulfill us.

The Lord longs to be gracious and show compassion (Isaiah 30:18). He is waiting on YOU to seek Him with all of your heart and soul (Deuteronomy 4:29) and look to Him to fill your empty places. He is the the only One who can satisfy your deepest desires.

Let Jesus fill your soul. Seek Him and find Him. Chase after the One who created your innermost being. Let His love be all you need.