No Regrets

My Testimony: The Short Version

I was a good girl that came from a good family. I grew up in church and knew that Jesus loved me.  I never caused trouble and always followed the rules. I never ran with the wrong crowd. Nobody saw it coming.

I was pregnant at 18. I had a boyfriend who said all of the right things and pretended to love me. So, I thought I had to marry that boyfriend. The next 10 years were a nightmare. I lived in a world full of lies and emotional, mental, and occasionally, physical abuse. There was drug use and adultery. I ended up having two more children during my marriage. My kids have gone through things that no one should go through. I tried to make life as normal as possible for them, but it never was. I was trapped in a living hell.

The last couple of years of my marriage, I sought the Lord with all of my heart. He was all that I had. I knew He could change my life, but I had no idea just how much He could change it.  He gave me Joel 2:25-27 to hang onto and that's what I did. I believed and prayed and cried for a long, long time. There were days that I wanted to kill myself and there were days I tried to find ways to kill my husband. But God had something different in mind.

 After years of abuse, neglect, and homelessness we got out. But, it didn't stop there. My kids would visit him on the weekends. I didn't find out what was going on until he went to prison. He was involving my kids in crime and horrible abuse. I found out right after we separated that he had used their social security numbers to get credit cards in their names. I pressed charges and he has been in and out of prison ever since.

I was free.

I wish I could say that everything automatically got better. It didn't. While I was free from a life of abuse, I wasn't free from the effects. I was deeply depressed and had an extremely low self esteem. Instead of turning to God for love, I looked in all the wrong places.  I just wanted someone to love me and fill the void. I was so ashamed. These guys didn't love me. Alcohol didn't love me. Why was I running so hard from the One that did?

Fear. Everything I was doing was because I was afraid. I was afraid of trusting God. I was afraid of being alone and unloved. I thought God was disappointed in me for my choices. I had no idea how much Jesus really did love me.

I had had enough. One day, I decided to go back to the church I grew up in. I was so embarrassed. I thought everyone would stare and whisper about me. I thought everyone would say "I told you so".  That's not what happened. I was welcomed with open arms. They had missed me.   Gradually, I started praying again and I even got out my Bible. I didn't start reading it for a while, but it was a start. God was starting to heal my heart.

In the last seven years, God has restored the years the locusts have eaten....just like He said he would when He gave me the promise in Joel years before.  I'm amazed every day at His love for me. He lifted me from the pit and set my feet up on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand (Psalm 40:2).  I want what I went through to be a testimony of God's love and his mercy. We are NEVER too far gone. There is NOTHING too big. God is real. His love for us is not conditional. It's not based on how good we are or how much we do for Him. He loves us and meets us just where we are. He goes down into the pit we are in and lifts us out. He will do that for you just like He did for me.

I have NO regrets. I have a story to tell.

If you need prayer, please email me  jessicanc78@gmail.com